'This was a race and it got tense': Florida teen adopted hours before his 18th birthday

For some children in foster care, turning 18 without being adopted is a worst case scenario.

Such was the case for Roman Balassaitis, who was one day shy of his 18th birthday when he was finally adopted by a family he’d met as a preteen.

The couple, Brad and Renee Balassaitis, officially made him a part of their family on Tuesday at the Clay County Historic Courthouse, about 40 miles southwest of the city of Jacksonville, Florida.

Although his adoption was confirmed by Taylor County, Florida on Zoom, they wanted to give the teenager a real, in-person experience at a courthouse close to them in Clay County.

“We wanted to kind of set up that environment so that it felt more momentous to him than just kind of sitting in our house on Zoom in the kitchen,” Brad said.

They first met Roman when he was 12 years old. He was living at a group home and would often visit the family’s home, having Nerf gun fights with the family’s children. 

There had been a lot of movement and “upheaval in his life,” Renee said, and when he needed to leave the group home, he stayed with the family for about nine months but wasn’t ready to be adopted. 

“It was crushing to watch him leave when he was 13,” Renee said.

He stayed in touch with the family and then in August of 2022, the family found out he wanted to return and stay with them. 

“He came in, kind of an unofficial situation at first, but then it was set up for him to be back in our foster care and he has been with us 14 months or so at this point,” Brad said. 

Last December they asked their other kids about adopting Roman, who told them they already considered him their brother. 

To adopt children from foster care, parents have to undergo training through a state or private agency, the couple said. Families are matched with children and can adopt them after completing paperwork, home studies and background checks. 

It can be a lengthy process though.

The Balassaitis family started Roman’s adoption process in January 2023.

“We started to put the wheels in motion and it took a while,” Brad said. “It was kind of a race to the finish at the end but we really wanted to make sure it happened before his 18th birthday because we wanted to make sure he didn't age out of the system and then not have that same support.”

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Aging out of the foster care system: a real fear for some

The Balassaitis family first started fostering children in 2008. They had two biological children and when their children were old enough, they thought it’d be nice for them to have siblings.

“We started pursuing the training,” Brad told USA TODAY. “We got licensed and got thrown right in the deep end.”

They’ve fostered 20 children and adopted seven, the couple said. Their children range in age from 17 to 28, including a daughter, Rosie, who passed away at 18.

This most recent adoption with Roman was important to them because the process to adopt individuals after they turn 18 is different, Renee said.

“Not many kids want to stay in foster care after they turn 18,” she said. “Once they realize they're not being adopted … Once they realize that's not going to happen, they really want to be on their own. They don't want more time in this system.”

For many of them, turning 18 and staying in the system means their chances at having a future are slim. They may have access to programs such as extended foster care, where they get stipends and live on their own or in someone's home. However, some individuals don’t want to do that.

“We have heard that from a couple of kids,” Brad said. “I'm tired of people telling me what to do. I want that freedom.”

They want to rid themselves of their “foster kid” identity, the couple said, and many people who age out of foster care are thrust into homelessness.

“I didn’t grow up with all that kind of trauma,” Brad said about children in the system. “I would not have been able to be self-sufficient at 18 years old, so how much harder is that for kids that have been through so much stuff?”

Over the past four years, Roman has been to 19 different places, the couple said. It was a top priority for the family to provide Roman with stability and support before turning 18, they said.

“He knows that on holidays going forward, he'll have a home here,” Brad said. “He'll be here for Thanksgiving and Christmas and even when the time comes that he moves out. That was really our goal, to kind of give him that stability so he's got that base to launch from.”

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Newly adopted teen is an inquisitive country boy, parents say

Roman actually had a different name before the adoption, the couple said. He chose his new name, Roman Nehemiah Balassaitis, himself.

He is one of four siblings in the system who all live in different places. He’s a high school junior and is hoping to get a new job soon.

The couple say Roman is a true country boy and avid outdoorsman who loves going mudding in trucks with his friends and fishing. 

His parents said he is “unbelievably gifted with his hands” and is always taking things apart and examining them. He loves working on his 1995 Ford Ranger and is always trying to figure out how things work.

“The thing that is a struggle for him is education, having bounced around so much, school was never really a priority so he struggled there,” Brad said.

Adoption finalized begins a new chapter

When his adoption was finalized, the family felt so relieved. They’d been plagued by anxiety as his birthday neared. Until Friday, they didn’t know if they’d be able to adopt him in time.

“This was a race and it got tense,” Renee said. “This was looming. This was scary for him. We knew we were going to adopt him legally regardless, but it would not happen the day after. It would be a whole other process that we've never gone through before.”

Renee said there is a dire need for single women, single men and married couples to step up and become foster parents, especially for older teens. 

Even if people don’t want to adopt, becoming a foster parent is helpful because they can guide teenagers who are aging out of foster care, she said.

“There's nothing magical at the age of 18,” Renee said. “They need to know they're going to have support and they're not kicked out at 18."

Roman seems much happier and lighter, as if a weight was lifted off his shoulders. He’s joking around and teasing more, they said.

“He knows it doesn't matter if he's having a great day or a really bad day with us,” Renee said. “He's not leaving. His qualification to be in our family is not based on his behavior.”

She said now, the healing begins.

“He's Balassaitis kid and that's not ever going to change.”